Hi, everyone.
Sometime between now and 5 p.m. Friday, please do two things in a single post:
1) write a revision plan for your Historical-Causal Analysis, a.k.a. "research form," based on how you might rework it after today's peer review. This isn't meant to be busy work--you can be concise but please be specific. In one to two paragraphs you should be able to discuss the most significant changes you will make, where in the paper you will make them, and why. As you post, remember that we need to be filled in on the details of your project and we need to understand your whole discursive aim with the paper.
2) discuss more concretely the real form(s) you would like to create (in terms of audience, aim, genre, venue, etc.). As you think about how to repurpose your historical-causal "discovery" into another form, be willing to commit to this form and be ready to discuss specific aspects of its rhetorical construction. If at all possible, as part of your post, include links or references to similar genres so that we can see what you are aiming for.
Rather than create a new post, you may feel free to "comment" on this one.
Good luck and have fun with this. The more you can show, the further along you are!
-Dr. Graban
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9 comments:
There are definitely two areas that I wish to go on and improve within my project. The first thing I want to do is go through and work on clarity. What I have now is an extremely rough draft, the ideas are there, I just need to go though and synthesize a more coherent and developed set of ideas. I also want to work with organization. Both peer reviews told me something I was in a way expecting to hear, I kind of had my ideas all over the place. I need to go through maybe move some sections around maybe add and delete some others, along with integrating my sources into the writing a little bit more fluidly.
The second thing I want to do to is have it under constant grammar revision. I am want go through it myself along with having several other outsiders go through it, make sure they are able to completely understand what I am writing and clear up any confusion that my writing may cause. I will probably try to meet with Dr. Graban a few times to review where I am at the time and what they next step will be in rewriting. I will also utilize the fact I have several friends who are English majors in going through and making sure the paper is as clear and concise as it can possibly be.
For my 'real form' I am still looking at creating a short 10-15 minute presentation that would be aimed towards students who attend small rural schools. I will most likely do a PowerPoint slide show that would act only as a visual aid, I would only have pictures and headers on each slide. It has always annoyed me when I see speakers and professors only read and go over what is only on the slide. I would create almost an open-ended script with topic discussions that I would hold with the students, not a static this is exactly what I am going to say and here is all I have to offer. I would want to have it as interactive as possible and what better way than to ask questions and have each person expand upon the topic in a way that would be the most understandable and influential for the students to see the benefits of higher education.
I really want to make my paper more concise. I feel like I ramble a little bit and I'd like to try to get more down to the point that I'm trying to make and cut out all of the "filler sentences" that I really don't need to get anything across. I really want to find a few more sources that get at my main idea which is the need for education of the effects of teenage pregnancy on everyone. I would also like to add some subtitles to my paper in order to make the organization flow a lot nicer. I feel like this will really help to guide the reader instead of confusing them.
I have two real forms in which I am interested. I am debating over doing a lesson plan and writing a creative non-fiction piece to "submit" to a magazine. I think I am going to do a rough draft of both and then decide which one to take on for the final project after the peer revision, to see which one is more effective in educating the reader/hearer. My main audience for this project is three really, the parents, the teachers of teens, and the teens themselves. I think that it's going to be a bit hard to decide where this lesson plan would be taught in which I can include all of my three audiences. That is my main problem in terms of the lesson plan.
The most significiant area I got from my feedback that I need to work on is explaining and working with my quotes and sources. We talked about this in class and used examples about how to really make sources more valuable by introducing them and talking about them. Both Jess and Brett commented on this in my draft so I know that I need to explain my research better. Just FYI my topic is about using gay and lesbian children's literature to influence the behavior of socially aware adults...or how could it influence their behavior? Essentially my paper didn't have a conclusion...mostly because I was exhausted. I want to bring a focus to what the effects could be of this literature...not just voice my personal views about how I think it is a good idea.
I have decided to focus on a more consise audience of school board members/anyone at a school board meeting...I still want to use a video sort of like a public service annoucement featuring children reading books and adults giving little testimonials about how literature affected them(the content of the video is still under construction in my mind) However I will be adding a cover letter that would be distributed to the board members as a bit of an introduction to why they are seeing the video and to clear up anything that the video doesn't explicitly say.
I think my research form needs extensive revision. At this point it is completely unfocused and tries to discuss too many issues within my topic. I think the most significant change will be refocusing on digitized texts and how they function within the classroom as well as how they affect college level study/research. Along with this, I am definitely going to work on source integration. I think I need to focus on the various ways I can use quotes to work with my voice rather than just inserting them with a bit of commentary tagged on.
My Real form will hopefully be easier once I have a solid research form completed. I want to use the tools we worked with in class when discussing the ways in which more scholastic information is brought into the public sphere. My real form is going to be something like creative non-fiction/advocacy literature...think newsweek, but less newsweeky. I was particularly inspired by an article I read from Orion Magazine that discussed the effects of modern mining techniques on the environment (mercury poisoning, etc.) So that's kind of the direction I'm taking. ok, that's all!
When revising my draft there are a few things I would like to work on. First of all, I want to add more examples of current evidence/articles of AIDS education/outreach/organizations. I have quite a few examples of things done in the past, but as AJ said it would resonate with audiences more completely if I tied in how things have actually changed today. Secondly, I want to try and make my sources tie into one another; find links, causation, etc. By doing this I believe I will have a better understanding of arguing from a causal stand point instead of arguing "what should be done".
I have decided to construct a speech to give to Bloomington City Council speaking about why it would be beneficial for the AIDS Quilt to stop and be shown here. My aim would be to highlight the education and awareness the Quilt brings to the community in which it is displayed, as well as speak about ways to advertise it, as well as organize community events around it. My audience would be the council members, but the community as well, considering many people are allowed to attend these meetings.
I am going to make several changes to my research form, the first being the presentation of sources. I need to go back through and establish each author’s credentials and provide a brief summary of the article from which I have taken each quote. I need to expand the portion of my paper dedicated to the explanation of the doctor patient relationship, because understanding this is vital to understanding the context in which I present my question. I also need to expand upon the final section of my paper in which I present my discovery statement. Since the conclusion was so different from the one which I thought I would uncover, I think I present it a little abruptly.
I am still unsure about the direction I would like to go with my real form. I have returned to the idea of an open letter. I think that I would like to write an open letter to the medical industry in which I address the concept of deprofessionalization, and propose a revised and universal oath. My audience would be those who are currently sworn to the Hippocratic Oath, but who also see its irrelevancy in the modern health care industry. Professionals who do not see the oath as irrelevant could possibly be persuaded by my comments on deprofessionalization to support an all encompassing oath.
1) For my project I need to improve the overall coherence of my paper by moving my discovery statement to the introduction and allowing it to better guide my questions. I am also going to do a more in depth rehetorical analysis of the prius advertisements. By applying principles from Walter Ong and Fahenstock and S. To better show how these create its Image.
2)I know that my real form is going to be some sort of brochure, but as to what its aim is going to be has become a problem. My discovery is that a hybrid car's image is in part holding it back from becoming an option for mainstream buyers. My problem lies in what image do I want to change, or if my aim is to have people buy hybrid cars or not?
If I am going to change the Image of the prius to appeal to a more mainstream audience I will try and use many pictures etc. from the current brochure with the appropriate changes needed to change its Image. http://www.toyota.com/prius-hybrid/ebrochure.html
For the revisions to my paper I plan to add more academic and popular sources. I had some trouble finding sources on swimming but I have had more success and I think that will make my paper more clear and better supported. I also want to refine my article and make it easier to understand, because at this point it is even confusing me a little. I think that I need to narrow down my ideas and add more information on football and not concentrate so much on swimming. Lastly, with the paper I want to organize the thesis statement and make sure that each paragraph transitions and flows well throughout the paper.
For the real form assignment I want to make an article to go in the magazine "Sports Illustrated." The athlete of the year was just announced and it was Michael Phelps. I think it would be a good idea to write an article for the public forum about the rising stars of Big Ten swimming and try to convince people that it is the next sport to focus on.
There are a few areas that I have to work on with my analysis. One is cutting down on my paper in general. I already have too many pages, which never happens, and I need to make my paper more concise and to the point. This may be a difficult task for me to do.
The second thing that I need to do, is make my discovery statement more clear. I want to make sure that the reader understand what I have found from this research. I need to make a clear statement in the closing of my paper, with supporting evidence to do this.
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